Saturday, August 25, 2012

How to make the 'Law of Averages' work for you

The Law of Average states that we tend to become like the people we spend the most time with!

Think of the 5 people you spend the most time with and that is who you are becoming. Scary huh? Fortunately those 5 people can include real and imagined know like your Facebook friends or the authors of the books or blogs you read.

So are your friends inspiring, successful, positive or creative? Or are they whinners and complainers that suck the energy right out of you?

Maybe its time to unsubscribe from someone or to add a new friend?

Of course it goes without saying that you need to be the kind of friend you want to attract?

The rewards of friendship come quickly...

You'll be a lot happier...

and try to remember....

and thanks for being my friend!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Can you really fake until you make it?

"Creative visualization is a good technique to walk you towards your goals and aspirations but pretending is like having a Ferrari"

Last year a  wedding photographer cornered me for a conversation right after my MC duties were over. He said, I just wanted to say that God blessed you with a natural talent for speaking and entertaining a crowd. I kept noticing how much the people in this room loved you. I hope that you are appreciative of the gifts that God gave you?

As much as I was willing to let him inflate my little pointed head I thought to myself this isn't really true. Because if God gave me that gift he sure hid it from me for a long time. And he hid it so well it took many years to find it.

I'm the guy who failed Grade 12 English because I was so painfully shy that I couldn't deliver a 3 minute speech to my classmates. My marks up to the end of class were plenty good enough to pass but that old battle axe of a teacher was determined to use me as an example to the rest of the class.   She actually flunked me because of my shyness disability.    That was many years ago and certainly that wouldn't happen today but that was then.

So how did I go from the shy introverted kid to someone that people believe has a natural talent in front a crowd? After I got out of school and into the big bad world I quickly recognized that my shyness liability was hurting me so I convinced myself to start pretending that I wasn't shy. I couldn't go from shy to public speaker in one step just by pretending that would be just too big a leap.

So I started out on the edges of my comfort zone. I started pretending by occasionally speaking out in a small group and worked my way up to larger groups. Amazingly, people stopped seeing me as shy and just assumed I was normal. It has progressed over the years. Then one day I realized that I actually had become an extrovered guy. Wow...I pretended my way to being perceived as a 'natural born speaker'. Amazing!

As I said, start pretending on the edges of your comfort zone. There is no point pretending to be a medical doctor when you haven't graduated from high school. Small progressive pretending steps will take you a long way towards your objective. No need to be delusional about it.

"You become who you pretend to be"

You start acting as if....and one are! How beautifully simple is that? And the reason this works is because you are actually taking positive action towards becoming something. That is the big flaw in using visualization to achieve something. Without action it just doesn't work very well. You can sit there all day visualizing and try to create some perfect vibration but at the end of day nothing much changes. And that is why I say....

"Positive thoughts without positive action is a postive waste of time"

It's more fun and productive to pretend to be what you want to become. So what can you pretend to be? if you'll excuse me I'm going to go back to pretending I'm working!

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Seductive words that persuade


“choose your words wisely for they can make your life fun, easy and abundant or hard and difficult”

Words seduce and words repel. Some words are instantly seductive to others. Words like; love, peace, admire, adore, cherish, sincere and appreciate, are just a few of the words that have an immediate effect on others. Stringing words together can motive a country, such as…ask not what your country can do for you, or..I have a dream. Words to a life seducer are like paint to a painter, we can’t create or entice without them.

“the most seductive word to all of us is our name”

Calling someone by their name means we recognize them as a valuable human being and not a servant. We love to hear our name, it validates us. It makes our communication personal. You will never be a life seducer if you don’t use a person’s name at every opportunity. Lucky for us, so many people wear name tags, sadly so many ignore the opportunity to make a waitress or clerk feel human.

I wish I were better at remembering names, but I can say I’m working on it. I understand just how important it is. I remember once, I was phoning an airline and could not get through. It took two days to make contact. By that time I was pretty annoyed. I let loose with a little tirade on the representative. Half way through it suddenly dawned on me that wasn’t going to accomplish anything.

I stopped and asked for the ladies name which she said was Jennifer and I insisted she call me by my first name. 'Jennifer' I said, 'I need to apologize I was just incredibly frustrated and I realize it wasn’t your fault. You must be tired of hearing people like me blow steam at you, again sorry.' The phone went quiet and then she said….’yes I’ve been getting yelled at all morning and it hasn’t been any fun since our reservation system went down’. I said, ‘well if its any consolation Jennifer, it helps on this end of the line, that you have such a sweet voice‘. Jennifer had just been totally seduced, she gave me a $200 rebate and a seat upgrade for my inconvenience. In short order we were both laughing and joking about dumb people and dumb airlines, it was like we were in on an inside joke. But even more important than that, I got reinforced in my thick skull that….words matter a lot (especially names)!

“don’t let anyone call you Mr, Mrs, Miss, Madame or Sir”

There is a reason the police deal with people by calling them Mr or Mrs. They are trained not to get personal. If they allow the conversation to get personal they would be more tempted to let you off of the speeding ticket. You don’t give friends tickets so they keep as they say, a professional distance. You won’t seduce anyone who greets you formally. You need their first name and you need to give them yours. Make it personal as quick as you can.

“some words are especially seductive in that they make others want to be of assistance to us”

Help That's a hard word for most to ignore. Can you help me makes the other person feel powerful and triggers a desire to exercise that power. Here is a powerful way to ask for help; I don't know whether you have the power or authority but I could sure use some help....then give your request. You would be amazed at how many times people will bend over backwards to fill your request!

Because When you ask for something just adding the word because followed by almost any kind of reason has proven to be highly effective. Heck, it even works on kids. To say, 'Johnny go clean your room' as every parent knows, goes in one ear out the other faster than the speeed of light. However, saying..'Johnny please clean your room because we have company coming', makes a surprising difference in the response you will get. And for those of you who are managers this works wonders on employees. You can thank me later....because it works!

"some people pay compliments like it was coming straight out of their bank account"

Compliments are highly seductive to women, men and children (I guess that covers everyone). It's hard to resist a flatterer when we want to belive what they are saying is true. One small well said compliment can turn a relationship back on course, soften a boss's cold heart and as I found out get you an upgrade on an airline. The art of the compliment once mastered is like a free pass to a seducer. Practice it as often as the situation allows and most important of all....have fun!

My favorite compliment is...God was just showing off when he made you. I layed it on an elderly lady clerk the other day and she giggled like a school girl. She would have given me everything in the store if she could have. I got something better, a feeling that I had really made someone's day brighter. As I said, they don't have to believe it they just have to want to believe it.

"words are hollow without sincerity"

Sincerity is the cement that strengthens your words so they can stand up to the ravages of a sceptical world. Warmth and eye contact mixed with the right words convey the sincerity that is so essential to a good seducer. Oh, and mix in the right body language and a master seducer you will be. I love words. So this is a topic I could go on and on about. However, the mark of a good writer they say is to know when to shut up so I will.