Saturday, December 28, 2013
"Lucky people talk to more people, do more things and take chances every day"
Who wouldn't want to be lucky? Well the truth is we can all be luckier than we are today. All we need to do is take more chances. How many times have you heard this...you can't win if you don't play! What the line should be is....you can't win if you don't take a chance.
So if you want to get lucky and make a new friend or find a new partner? Take a chance and strike up a conversation with someone new every day.
Want to find a new business opportunity? Take a chance and contact someone successful and ask for some help.
Always wanted to write a book? Take a chance and start writing today. Or take a chance and contact an author and ask for advice.
Got a great idea that you are doing nothing with? Take a chance and share the idea with others to see if it is viable. So many worry that others will steal your idea but if you don't take a chance and test it, it probably never see the light of day. That's where regret is born.
Want to win the lotto? Take a chance and...buy a ticket...the odds are terrible but you can't win if you don't play.
Want to become lucky? Take a chance on something every day. Sooner or later your luck is going to improve.....I guarantee it! (the odds are in your favor)
My brilliant conclusion.....people who are luckier than me and probably just taking more chances! I can fix that....
Thursday, December 19, 2013
"Taking notes can make you appear to be more intelligent and persuasive"
Our brain makes assumptions all of the time. Some we are aware of but most are subconscious assumptions. Strange as it may seem we interpret a note taker as being more intelligent.
We perceive the note taker as being focused and thorough. It brings up images of Doctors and Lawyers who must get things recorded accurately. It also makes us feel that every word we say is important. And anyone focused so intenly on what I say must be intelligent. Right?
When someone is trying to persuade us and starts out by sincerely trying to understand our thoughts and beliefs, we pay attention. And we assume they are sincere because they take the time to record our thoughts. Note taking causes us to feel important and which in turn lowers our resistance to that person. We feel appreciated and understood.
When the cops are interviewing witnesses they take notes on what they are told. One of the reasons is because they know that the person being questioned is going to give more accurate answers when they see that their answers are being recorded.
The effect of note taking is also that most people start to open up and reveal the real objections to the persuasion.
And here's the real good stuff...
"When they feel they have been heard and understood their minds are open to hear what we are going to propose"
Note taking is a poweful persuasion skill!
* Use a quality pen not one of those company logo pens you swiped from the convenience store
* Use a quality pad or portfolio. Extra points... if it has a leather cover.
* Try to write down every dang word. That would be annoying. Just jog down important points. Extra points...if you say something like...'excuse me but that seems important I'd like make a note of that'
When you are note taking you do less talking and more listening!
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Sometimes I set out to write an article and then find out that someone has done all of the heavy lifting for me. This link is an eye opener. Please read it because I am certain that you will not only enjoy it but open your eyes to the super successful traits...enjoy!
and just so I can say I contributed something to this post.....
and just so I can say I contributed something to this post.....
Friday, December 13, 2013
How to seduce luck
“the more fun I have the luckier I get”
I find it useful and amusing to think of luck as a lady, but you ladies might find it more pleasing to think of luck as a male hunk like a George Clooney look-a-like, you go right ahead. So where I refer to Lady Luck you can substitute it for Lord Luck. The idea of seducing luck, to attract good fortune juices up my creativity. So play along with me and let’s have some fun.
This is no hocus pocus, it is a fact….those who believe in luck are more lucky than the non-believers. This is partly explained because those who believe in luck tend to be more extroverted and therefore make more contact with others, leaving themselves open to more opportunities for luck to occur.
It seems so obvious to me that the more face to face contacts you have the more possibility for luck to come into your life. Nowadays, it’s too easy to have contact through the social media like Facebook. I like Facebook for many reasons, however it will never replace the real thing. There is so much more going in face to face, belly to belly exchanges.
It takes real live human contact to create intimacy. And the deeper we connect with others the greater the chance for luck to bless us.
“to seduce Luck, it is a huge advantage to be likeable”
If you can’t be handsome or beautiful you should at least be loveable. As with anyone you want to seduce, you need to catch their attention and the quickest way is to be noticeably likeable. Being likeable includes the traits of; being humorous, curious, playful, generous and focused on others instead of yourself. The ego centered and arrogant have to do things the old fashioned way and work heir tails off, because Lady and Lord Luck are like us, in that they are attracted to those who are attractive to other people.
“Lady and Lord Luck love good times and good people”
The lucky get luckier because their good moods actually allows them to take in more visual information than those in bad moods. They are more attentive to their surroundings and notice opportunities more readily. These serendipitous folks are that way because; they feel good and are more willing to try something new, just for the fun of it.
As an experiment, I wrote on an index card…Why am I so darn lucky? I carried that card around with me for a few days and had some ‘Mind Wandering Fun’ with it. When I thought of a reason for why I am so lucky I wrote it on the back of the card. Wow, it wasn’t long before I filled up the card and 4 more to boot. Turns out, I’m a lot luckier than even I thought.
The most interesting outcome of my little experiment was how it lifted my spirits. I felt lighter and happier. One morning I stopped in at the convenience store to pick up a coffee. When I entered the store the clerk greeted me with, ‘how are you today Eduardo?’ I laughingly told her, ‘I’m great and feeling lucky today’. She laughed and I proceeded to get my coffee. When I went to pay she said…’this one’s on me, I like lucky people’. And that’s pretty much the way my day went. I was believing I was lucky and people I came into contact with, wanted to reach out to me to get some of my good vibes. I highly recommend you try it!
“open yourself up to more than you wanted”
When you are too fixated on what you want, you may miss that Lord or Lady Luck wants to give you even more. It is helpful with your desires and wishes, to tag this phrase (it’s powerful)….‘this or something better’. I often wonder how many times when I limited myself by being focused on only one thing or one person and missed the chance for something better. I sure don’t want to limit Lady Luck’s gifts.
“you can’t stumble upon luck sitting on your butt”
The Roman philosopher Seneca said, ‘luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity’. Or as I once heard a motivational speaker say, ‘roast duck doesn’t just fly into your mouth’. It would be just silly to think that luck is going to find you without any effort on your part. On the other hand, I’m not entirely buying Seneca’s line either. There is more than preparation (hard work) and opportunity required…there is most frequently luck as well. We would do well to do all the can to facilitate luck.
“the lady wants to be appreciated”
There are many logical reasons why expressing and feeling gratitude attracts good fortune. First, it puts in you in the good feeling state that luck likes. Next, that which gets rewarded gets repeated. Just like the ladies, Lord Luck loves a compliment and a gracious thank you. The more grateful we are, the more we increase the possibility of good fortune. No excuses permitted, there is always something to be grateful for. In fact, there is always a lot be to be grateful for.
“don’t hang out with the unlucky”
I know this may seem harsh but the reality is those who are constantly attracting bad luck are going to continue to bring more bad luck into their lives (unless they were lucky enough to buy this book, I said somewhat modestly). This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do things for unlucky people. Just don’t spend too much of your time with them, until they change the behaviour that’s attracting that bad luck.
“be the luck you desire”
No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to dress up in drag to attract luck! Lady Luck wouldn’t like me to be anything but my manly self. What I mean is that while you are waiting for Lord Luck to favour you, be someone else’s luck. Isn’t that a beautiful idea? There are always those with less luck than you, so it’s fun and easy to become their luck. The Lady and the Lord, find that very seductive!
“seduce everyone to increase your luck”
You never know who is going to lay some luck on you. Sometimes it comes from the most unusual sources. So it makes good sense to seduce everyone you come into contact with. Make them feel good and who knows what good fortune they might bestow on you. Besides it’s fun and easy game seducing everyone.
“ready fire aim”
Your chances of being lucky go up dramatically if you take more chances. So be bold. Mistakes are just the way we learn. Sometimes you are right and sometimes you just luck out. If what you are tying doesn’t work, make some changes and try again.
You’ll be a lot luckier if you remember this…‘don’t try harder, try different.’
“never forget, it’s just a game”
Take life or luck too seriously and you squeeze the fun out of it. There will always be some mystery and surprise when it comes to luck and love and that’s the way it should be. Seducing Lady or Lord Luck is the most fun you can have with your pants on….good luck!
“luck is looking for the needle in the haystack and finding the farmer’s daughter”
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
While I was studying how con artists work, I came to the realization that they use a lot of the same techniques I teach in persuasion courses. YIKES! The only difference between con artists and me is 'intent'.
I teach persuasion techniques in order for you and clients to reach a mutually beneficial outcome. However, there is always the possiblity that some people will use them to manipulate you. I'm comfortable with my intent.
So how do con artists work?
1. Extreme likeability. Con artists appear to be generous and kind. The will often give you small gifts or do you favors to win your confidence. They project warmth and sincerity and confidence. The attitbutes of people we might say are charismatic.
2. Client intelligence or should I say victim intelligence. A con artist wants to know everything possible about his/her mark. They want to know your likes and dislikes. To gather this 'intel' they will search your social media, do internet searches and ask a ton of questions to get to know you. The idea is to get you to talk twice as much as they do. And who doesn't like to talk about themselves?
3. Seek the similarities. First they want to find out everything they can that they share in common with you. Next, they will fake similarties to further gain your confidences. They want to appear to be similar to you so that you will lower your resistance. This builds trust and likeability. Often it will feel to their victim that they have found their soul mate or a brother or sister.
4. Ask for a small favor followed by a much bigger favor. This is the 'Ben Franklin' principal. Old Ben found out that if you ask for a small favor, the other person starts to like you (after all he did a kindness for you) and then is more open to a bigger favor later. This has been researched and proven to work.
5. Learns your emotional triggers. Your passions, your hurts and your desires. And most common amongst con artists is to appeal to your greed.
6. Listen and make adjustments. Not every con goes smoothly so they are careful to listen and observe everything you do and say. They need to pay attention to your body language....to read you like a book. Only when everything looks positive will they attempt to give you their amazing pitch or plead for your help.
7. Show immense gratitude and appreciation for who and what you are. It is difficult not to like and trust someone who sees the greatness in you that others don't appreciate.
8. Repeat back what you say to them. This makes you feel like they really are paying intense interest in you.
9. To gain your respect they will show you their (fake) accomplishments and credentials. This works even better if someone else does the bragging about the con's attibutes. After all he is too humble to brag, right?
10. Only after they feel that you like, trust and respect them will they make the pitch that is going to seperate you from your money.
I'm not trying to teach anyone how to be a con artist however how can it not be a good thing to know how they operate. If you gut instinct tells you something isn't right..trust it. However, if we all good at that intution thing no one would ever get conned.
Bonus....whenever someone is trying to sell you something observe how many of these techniques they are using? It will be an eye opener. Cheers!
Friday, December 6, 2013
Have you ever tried positive affirmations to help you manifest some goal or great desire? Millions have and millions have been disappointed. Some will say it works wonders. My psychology friends say research proves otherwise.
Here is what research says about positive affirmations...
When you repeatedly use a positive affirmation your brain interprets this as if it had already happened. So if you were to say for example.....My business is prospering and I am in a position to use my wealth to help others achieve their goals and dreams etc. Sounds nice huh? But what happens? Nothing.
Your brain interprets as if this were already so, there is no need to take any action. Your subconsious feels like you already have achieved that beautiful affirmation and you start to feel really good about it. So why would your subconscious be motivated to do anything?
So what's a girl to do?
Here are the two magic words that can actually put you on the path to realizing that goal or dream...
Will I ____________________________.
Let me give an example of how it worked for me recently? A few months ago I had a talk to give to a management group. I was highly motivated to make it a success. So I wrote this on a card and carried it around with me for the 2 weeks preceding my talk.
A kept the card where I could see it and contemplated the question often. As a result I started accumulating ideas for my presentation. By the time it was time to do my talk I felt super prepared and yet still slightly nervous. I think I was nervous because right up till I took the stage I was still thinking....'will I be able to give a ' knock their socks off presentation'. And guess what.....I did!
After my presentation those in attendance took turns giving an evaluation. Almost every soul present gave a terrific thumbs up for the talk. Felt pretty darn good. So I know this works like magic because it focuses you on moving towards the goal. You never stop improving. Then as you keep improving your confidence grows. You might like me still be nervous until success is achieved but that's a good thing.
It is so wonderfully simple and yet it works like magic. A week ago I decided to use it to get me off my procrastinating butt and finish my next book. It has been progressing a break neck snails speed. So here is my new card...
Yikes...that's a little scary to contemplate? Finish my book in less than 60 days? My last book took 2 years to write. I made that new card a week ago and have written every day since. Each day I write I feel better about myself. I'm starting to think I've kicked procrastinations butt.
Will I do it?
Honestly, I don't know but I do know I'm progressing quite nicely, thank you. I've done more writing in the past week then I did in the previous 2 months. I find that the further I progress the more motivated I have become. I know that my evil enemy procrastination is always out there with a cold beer or a glass of wine, ready to throw me into a pile of 'never going to happen' but my resolve is growing daily.
Sheesh...if this works imagine what else I could accomplish? Look out ladies I might just put you on my list of....Will I ______________________?
So will you try it?
I truly hope so and I would be thrilled if you let me know how it works for you? Feel free to leave a comment or to send me a private email at edsemail@ shaw.ca Wouldn't it be cool if I could use you as a success story in my book?
Pssst.....I could use your help? Please hit the f button below and share this with your facebook friends. The more people I can enlist to try this magical method the more I can prove it works. And of course helping others is what we do like to do, right? Thanks!
Thursday, December 5, 2013
"The sale is made or lost before you ask"
When I started out in real estate we were taught the following mantras which it turns out are complete baloney...
1. Always ask for the sale or
2. Be constantly closing.
Here is why this is nonsense! When you ask for agreement or the sale, if the buyer is not ready you just created resistance. If the answer turns out to be no, you've just added 'great' resistance. Each time a buyer says no, the resistance to your product, service or idea intensifies. It's like asking a person out on a date. The more 'no's' you get, what is the likelyhood you will ever get a 'yes'. Ouch!
And the more resistance between you and the buyer the more stress that is built up. It is stressful on the buyer to be asked for the sale before they are not ready to make a committment. It is stressful on you to deal with a 'no'. Or to be asking for agreement when you know the likely answer is...NO! How can that be good?
So here's what you need to know that most don't....
"Your first objective is NOT to make the sale it is start a relationship"
In order to build a relationship you must first get by that persons resistance. They may have resistance to you, your ideas, your product or your service. To get past this resisantance you must first attempt to gain their. ....trust, respect and likeablity. You don't need them in equal amounts. Sometimes you only need one quality to make the sale or persuasion. Often likeablity is enough.
Allow me to give you an example. Oprah has millions of fans who trust, respect and love her. When she makes a book club recommendation it is a guarantee that the author is about to make millions of sales. Her fans don't need logic to buy the book, they have Oprah's word on it. Enough said.
The obvious next question is how to gain someone's trust, respect and likeability? Glad you asked grasshopper. And here is the part most people don't understand.
"First Prepare to Persuade"
Find out as much as you can about the person you want to influence. If you are going to attempt to build a relationship you need to know their likes, dislikes, goals and motivations. I call this...'Client Intel' (just because it sounds cool instead of saying something creepy like spying...lol). It seems obvious that if I want to get you to like, trust or respect me, I first need to know what they like, trust and respect.
Some tips of gaining 'Client Intel'...
1. Talk to anyone you know who also knows that person.
2. Check their social media....twitter, facebook etc
3. Do an internet search on the person
4. Check their company website for any info on the person
5. Ask the person whenever you can about their likes, dislikes, problems and goals.
Ask them about competitors that they trust and respect. Ask lots of questions!
6. Build a 'Confidential Client Intel' file ( just trying to sound James Bond
cool again) but do keep and grow your client info it is vital to your ability to
I will expand on this in later articles but here is your takeaway today...
1. The sale is made before you ask
2. You must find ways to lower their reistance to you, your product and service and
3. Find ways to gain their trust, respect and likeability
4. Your first objective is not to make the sale it is start a relationship
5. Prepare to Persuade
6. Gather 'Client Intel'
7. Have some fun!
We are just scratching the surface here friends so come back and I'll share the secrets of how to become more likeable, and gain trust and respect. It's the most fun you can have with your pants on (I'd like to promise you that I'll be more professional sounding however we both that's not going to happen anytime soon).
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
"Fake it till you make it"
I doubt most people that know me today would realize what an introvert I was when I was a kid. Even now I don't consider myself an extrovert although I have sold millions of dollars of real estate, managed offices and given talks to hundreds of people at a time. So what is my secret?
Yep, I faked it until I actually got confident and even good at sales, management and public speaking. I watched friends and people I admired do their thing and then I pretended I was them. In fact I still do it at times. And I learned a few little secrets along the way....
People love to talk about themselves...
I started out in life by always asking a lot of questions. At first it was because I was more comfortable if the spotlight wasn't on me. Plus we all know how much most people like to talk about themselves, their lives, their interests, ideas and beliefs. So I didn't have to be a brilliant conversationalist because they were more than happy to carry the conversation. Turns out there are a lot of benefits to this approach..
1. They will tell you how to make them like you. By asking questions you can find out the similarites you have with them. The more you have in common the more they tend to like you
2. They will tell you what they don't like so you know which topics to avoid.
3. By listening intently like you really care, they assume you do and that helps form an initial liking.
4. They assume you are smart. That one still blows me away. By speaking less and listening intently you have time to reflect on what's been said and are more likely to say things that are perceived as more intelligent than most people. Extroverts have a tendency to shoot from the lip too much and often shoot themselves in the foot occasionally. Quieter people are assumed to be deeper thinkers (and often are).
5. You can pick up clues to mirror the other person. Tone and speed of voice and even breathing patterns. You can watch for body language and mirror that as well.
6. You can repeat back some of things they said and then they really start to like you.
7. And finally when they come up for air, they are more likely to listen to your persuasion. For most people if they've talked 4/5 of the time, they feel obligated to give you time to say something and might actually listen to you.
Here is your take away...
* ask lots of questions
* listen like you really care
* seek out the similarites between the two of you
* repeat back some of the things they say
* act like you are someone you know who is confident and persuasive
Fake it till you make it because it works!
Monday, December 2, 2013
"Reduce to the ridiculous" (read to the end or you'll miss the good stuff)
Imagine you go into a retail store and you see this...
Pretty irrisitable, right? And of course that is a very common tactic retailers use to part us from our money.
You've seen those late night commercials for the latest gizmo? They follow a format like this...
This incredible gizmo normally retails for $120..
But wait today only you can own this marvelous technology for ONLY....$19.95
That's right only $19.99
But wait it gets better....order right now and we'll give two, that's right two of our fantastic gtizmo's for $19.99
But wait there's more....order today and we'll give you____________ for no extra charge.
This technique of 'reduce to ridiculous' is highly effective. And we know it works because they run those annoying commercials endlessly. They wouldn't do it if it didn't work.
Reduce to ridiculous method #2...
Car dealers (and realtors) use the same technique in a different way. E.g
First they quote the regular car price.........$24,000
Then the reduced price (today only)..........$21,900
Then the monthly payments .......................... $397
Or better yet bi-weekly...................................$194
See how 'reduce to ridiculous works'? We started talking at $24,000 and end up at only $194. Our mind just can't stop thinking about the only $194. It's such an incredible deal...but only today? Better grab it before its gone!
Now time for me to read your mind......'ok Guru nothing new here, tell us something we didn't know?'
Reduce to ridiculous method #3
Imagine you are at one of my brilliant talks. At the end of the talk it is time for me to pitch my best selling book? Here's how I would do it step by step...
1. Tell them what the book can do for them.
2. Tell them why them would be smart to own it.
3. Then I would say....the first question people usually ask me is...how much is your book worth? My response....conservatively 100's of dollars and maybe more.
4. A chuckle.....but I won't charge you that much
3. Then give them a deal.....normally my book sells for $24.95 but today because you were so much fun its yours for only $19
So using the reduce to ridiculous principal, I started at $100s and ended up at $19. The little chuckle is signal that I'm only joking however I have still subconsiouly planted a big number in their head.
How can you use this to your advantage?
It doesn't matter whether you are selling a product or a service. Just throw out a wild number, chuckle and give you real price. It will seem to them they are getting a great deal.
Non-profits use this also. They might start out asking for BIG donation and the reduce to ridiculous. Start out asking for say...$500 and then add but every penny counts so any donation will put smiles on the faces of those poor kids.
Stated out at $500 and ended up at pennies. Of course they know no one is going to give pennies. It works like magic.
Note.....even you don't use this or don't approve of the tactic, isn't it a good thing to aware of the technique when it is being used on you? And shouldn't your family and friends be made aware of it?
Saturday, November 30, 2013
"If you touch it you will want to buy it"
Research has shown that when you touch an item on a store shelf, test drive a car or hold my book....you are going to feel the desire to buy it.
Once you hold something it registers in your brain as if you owned it. Therefore, you feel a reluctance to give it back. Heck, I didn't need the research to believe in this theory. I see it being used everyday by retailers.
Sometimes this is called the puppy dog close. I know because that's how I came to own my last dog. My son pleaded to go into a pet store just to see the puppies that were playfully wrestling in the store window. Of course I told him under no circumstance would we would buying a puppy. He promised!
You know how this is going to end don't you? That's right, the clerk asked my son which one he liked? Put the puppy in his hands. And the dirty rotton SOB said to my son, 'why don't you take him home and bring him back in the morning?' I knew at that moment....I was screwed and about to expand the family by one cute puppy.
What was the lesson for me?
First, never take a child into a pet store if you don't want a pet!
Second, I could use this principle of 'touch it and you own it' to my advantage. Now when I finish my talks I usually conclude with a pitch for my book...How To Seduce Life. When I first started about 25% of those attending bought my book. And for most speakers that's pretty good. But then I remembered the puppy story and...
Now when I speak at least 90% of those attending buy my beautiful book!
Here is what I do......before I start my book pitch I give everyone a copy of my book to look at. Most of the time 100% of them buy it. I have a few other techniques to help persuade them to buy however nothing is as effective as putting it into their hands.
I remember once after a talk a young lady came up to me get her book signed. She then told me that prior to my pitch for the book, she told herself she had spent more at the conference than she intended. So she promised herself that under no circumstances was she going to buy any more books. Then once she got the book in her hands she just couldn't bring herself to give it back. Wow!
How could you use this to your advantage?
Even if you are selling a service you can use the principal to your advantage. To do this you need highly attractive promotional materials that you can give them. Cheap looking and feeling materials don't work. It must feel expensive in order for this to work.
Or you could give them an opportunity to test drive something for free. Just don't give away too much. Let them feel what having your service would be like. If they like it they will want to buy it.
Friday, November 29, 2013
"One of the most effective ways to influence others is to ask for advice or assistance"
Imagine that you are new to a position and you want to persuade a client to give you some business? She knows that you are inexperienced and your knowledge of her business and of the industry is extremely limited. What chance would you have of making a sale? The odds would be pretty low, right?
However, what if you were to say something like this.....'I confess that my knowledge of your business needs is very limited. And I was wondering if you could give me some advice? What would I have to do to earn your the privilege of doing business with you? Odds are over-whelmingly strong that she would give you some very valuable advice.
* because we programmed to want to help when asked
* because it is empowering to be asked for help
* because it is totally non threatening so the client loses her resistance to you
A little story...
Ben Franklin had a political opponent that fought him on every turn. The man was a pain in the butt to Ben. A strong dislike was growing between them. Ben decided to try and turn things around.
Here is what Ben did....
Ben knew the man had a wonderful library of valuable books. Ben asked the man if he would consider lending him one of his books that Ben was most interested in reading. He was at first shocked that an advisary would ask for a favor. He considered Ben's request and relented and loaned the book to Ben.
Then what happened...
Ben read the book and offered gracious thanks for the favor. Next, Ben noticed the man softened to him and became even friendly. So what did Ben do? He asked him for assistance in developing a bill for Congress He agreed. They became friends!
Asking for advice or a small favor causes others to be more receptive to us.
Asking for advice is significantly more persuasive than using pressure tactics. Also, it doesn't build pressure or leave a sour taste. Also, they will tell you how they like to be sold....isn't that beautiful? And here is an unexpected bonus for asking for advice....
When we ask for advice we are perceived as being more intelligent! After all, you are showing some wisdom by choosing to ask me for advice"
This is how even an experienced person can level the persuasion table.
Pssst.....can I ask you for a small favor? Would you be so kind as to hit the f button below and share this with your facebook friends? Because it would make me so happy....thanks!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
"When a lie coming from a source believed to be reputable is repeated enough times it is eventually believed"
Remember in past USA elections all the talk about Obama being born in Kenya? That was called the 'birther' movement. The news media was all over it and sent teams of reporters to Hawaii to confirm that he actually was born there. They all came to the same conclusion....yep, he was born there. And yet the birther movement continued.
Donald Trump even sent his own special team of investigators to drag the truth into the sunlight for all to see. So what happened? Nothing, nada, zilch. (and we all know that the 'Donald' was only driven his pure desire to help Americans find the truth and not just just an ambitious desire to get publicity like some lesser people, right?)
Any rational person with an open mind would have to conclude it was all nonsense, right? And yet 60% of Republicans still believed he was born in Kenya. Why?
The answer is in the first line of this article!
No this is not a course on how to become a politician or a criminal...haha. I am just trying to be provocative in order to make a major point. Repetition used properly can and is often used to persuade us. Here's how it works...
Repetition creates familiarity.
Familiarity leads to liking
Liking lowers resistance to us
And....(drum roll please)....When people have no resistance to us they are open to be persuaded!
Of course advertisers and marketers have known this for years. That is why they bombard us with advertising messages mercilessly. They know that the moment will come when you are making a buying decision, you will often choose the one that feels familiar (ie. brand name). Especially when the other choice, even though it might be cheaper is unfamiliar. We tend to fear what we are not familiar with. Why take a chance?
Now let me pause for a moment to read your mind.......oh yes....you are thinking....damn you Guru, what has this got to do with me being persuasive?
Thank you for asking grasshopper!
Your job should you decide to accept it, is to find a way to repeat a message in your clients head without annoying the heck out of him or her.
Allow me to give you some examples:
1. If the glove doesn't fit you must acquit. OJ's defence used that line repeatedly in his defence. And we know it worked because it stuck in the jurors heads. Extra points for noticing the rhyme. And now even years later you still remember it, right?
2. When it's just got to get there. FedEx built a billion dollar business around that motto (and a hub system for aircraft delivery).
3. It's Miller time. Enough said.....I feel like a beer right now!
So what have we learned?
1. Repeat a message enough times and it becomes familiar
2. When it becomes familiar we might start liking it.
3. When we like it we might buy it. (lowers resistance)
4. I like beer!
* spend a lot of time finding a repeatable message.
* put it everywhere possible where your client might see it (signs, letterhead, proposals, invoices, business cards, car signs, website, banners, posters, advertisements etc.)
* drop it (casually) into your conversation every chance you get
* buy me a beer next time we meet.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
"Our brains are wired to make snap decisions about people"
Within a mere 30 to 60 seconds we will form an opinion about someone. We will have decided whether we think they are competent, likeable, confident, have status, and most important whether we can trust them. In fact it's impossible not to make those snap judgements about people.
So what are we basing those snap decisions on? Because if we know that answer then we can easily prepare to persuade another person and gain their trust. The answers are surprisingly simple...
* Their physical appearance. We trust some faces and distrust others. Attractive and healthy looking people have an advantage.
* What they wear. Do they dress like they care and do they dress like us.
* Warmth and confidence (the main components of charisma)
* Are they givers or takers?
* Their communication skills
In short we judge a book by its cover, so it just makes sense to present an attractive cover. Yeah, that sounds superficial but why argue with what works?
Now would you like to know the #1 way to build trust quickly?
Seek the similarities!
The more we feel that people are like us the more we give them our trust. Our expectations often hijack our ability to be objective. Someone seems to be like us so we expect them to be like us. We have so many biasis and prejudices that operate on an unconsious level. We seek comfort and we are comfortable with those who seem to be like us.
Prepare to persuade..
Now a days its easy to find out information about someone you want to persuade. Internet searches and social media like facebook reveal a lot about most people. Do your research and look for things you have in common with that person. Talk to common friends or associates to find out their goals, likes, hobbies and other interests.
An introductory comment like....'hey I heard that you are into mortotbikes' or 'a friend told me that you volunteer at the Womens Shelter' followed up of course with...'me too" builds an instant bond. It lowers resistance and starts to build trust. They are one of us!
Remember the more similarities, the greater the instant trust!
4 ways to build likeability...
1. Reciprocity. Show up with a small gift. It could be a thermos of hot coffee, a copy of an Ag magazine, a personalized pen or ball cap or an idea that would in some way improve their farm operation or life. Even a sincere compliment seems like a gift.
2. Think about the most likeable people you know. Ask yourself....why are they so likeable? Then do that.
3. Show up with a positive warm energy and forget about trying to be too serious. Too much serious sucks the energy out of everyone. Lighten up.
4. Be happy to see them and they will be happy to see you.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
So what did you guess the words were?
If you guessed 'thank you' well, yes good guess and your mum would sure be proud of you. And I would like you to also consider this..
There are several reasons why those two words are so powerful in business and in life:
1. It can help you reach an agreement.
'Yes, and' is a super effective means to slide past a persons resistance. Imagine that you are close to an agreement when you client suddenly throws out an objection such as....I like your product however I think your price is just too high for us! What do you say?
Here are the 2 worst things you can say...
No, I don't agree my price is too high because ________________.
Yes, but how about _____________________.
Both of those statements build instant resistance from you client. No one wants to hear 'no' and that word 'but' sends a shiver of resistance up your clients spine. Not good!
Now what if instead you said....Yes, and... you might want to consider the extras that our product offers such as _______________.
By saying 'Yes' it is a positive confirmation of what your client said. No resistance there! And by adding 'and', that is interpreted as a connector, addition or transistion. Resistance is temporary lowered long enough for you to make your point.
Yes, I like your thinking and that has me thinking that....(insert your brilliant point here)
That's how you help the other person think that your idea was actually their idea. Presented like that it is easy for the other person to be open to your suggestion and perhaps change their own thinking.
Simple and effective!
2. Brainstorming beauty
Brainstorming is like Improv Comedy. The first principle is to not reject anything. To keep the flow of ideas coming. 'Yes, and' is the perfect connector to add to the last idea given. It forces you to really think cognitively rather than out of habit, since you have to contemplate what comes after the 'yes, and' ____________. Those two simple words can lead to profound breakthroughs.
I keep wondering what a corporate brainstorming session would produce if you threw in a couple of those great 'Improv Comedy' actors like Drew Carey and Colin Mockery. I'm betting the ideas would flow like moonshine at a Hillbilly Convention?
Now consider using this technique with your employees and peers? Imagine one of your peers makes a suggestion that you don't think will work? Instead of raining on their parade by telling them that their idea is the dumbest idea since Paris Hilton applied to Harvard.
Try something like this.....Yes I can see your logic and I would like to add....____________. Remember seeing their logic is not the same thing as agreeing to it. It does however get interpreted as a form of acceptance and lowers their resistance to your thoughts.
3. Builds Trust
'Yes' is such a beautiful empowering word. We are programmed to like and respond to it. The more we hear it the more we like and trust the person saying it to us. It puts us into a feeling of comfort which lowers resistance to the message we want to convey after the "yes, and'.
4. What about 'no'?
No is the simpliest, most direct and definitive response. Sometimes it is useful and necessary. The trick is to not let it become a lazy thinking habitual response.
'No' can be like a bomb thrown into the conversation. Sometimes it blows up your own team and sometimes it wins a war. But then who wants to go to war? It should be your weapon of last resort. You know like when your kid asks you for that new game player for the umpteenth time?
Saturday, November 16, 2013
"the moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them but that they seize us" (Ashleigh Montaqu)
There is a sudden joy that hits without warning with a happy surprise. That joy finds us feeling young, vibrant and alive if only for moments. Even an unpleasant event can be softened in our memory by one small pleasant surprise.
It is in these too infrequent moments that we rediscover our inner child. Moments when we can once more feel the awe and wonder that a child experiences daily. That everyone should be so lucky to have more happy surprises.
"surprise is a gift to both the recipient and the giver"
We can't purposely set out to surprise ourselves anymore than we can tickle ourselves. What we can do is give the gift to others at little cost or effort to ourselves. And what a beautiful gift a pleasant gift is. By being the giver we can share in the awe and wonder it brings.
"you can't bore me into loving anything"
When life becomes boring and predictable it starts a downward cycle to nowhere. Relationships deteriorate with predictability without the essence of surprise. The successful romantic always keeps an element of surprise up his or hers sleeve.
"life is best lived as play" Plato
The best jokes, the most beautiful cherished memories are born in surprises. It's the jet fuel of relationships. And think how easy it is to suprise someone? You could clean the house, cook a special meal, buy a present for no reason, pay a visit unannounced or show up naked at the door when your sweetie comes home from work. (ok, I don't want to hear about that last one).
This reminds me of a surprise birthday party my amigos had for me in Mexico. Since my birthday was actually in November, I didn't see this one coming. Nor would I have ever expected to be mocked and teased that much. I'm guessing they got more pleasure out of the surprise than I did. (maybe that was part of their evil plan, hmmmm)
Smile, a good surprise can cost little and will be remembered forever!
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
"it's not who you know it's who you know that likes you"
I've been writing for years about how to make our lives; fun, easy and over-flowing with abundance. Lately, I've been wondering...what is the easiest way to accomplish that? If there was just one thing that could impact our lives in a positive way, what would it be?
In search of an answer, I tried to think of who I knew that seemed to have a charmed, happy and profitable life? I could think of many people, some I knew and some I read about. So I asked myself, what do they have in common? And the answer is....."they are all likeable"
People who are likeable tend to get the best jobs, build the best companies, have more friends, better relationships and enjoy life more. Sounds good, right? But that doesn't even touch the benefits of being likeable. Here are a few more benefits;
* Doctors give more time and better care to patients they like
* Likeability is the most consitent predictor of election results
* Likeable people inspire others to give more
* They get better and quicker service from retail businesses
* Likeable students get better marks from teachers
* They get forgiven quicker for misdeeds (I need that one)
* They have better physical and mental health
* Live longer and happier lives
* They are more persuasive
* They are more persuasive
There's more but you get the point. Things come quicker and easier for likeable people. We favor them and do what we can to make their lives fun, easy and abundant. And this amigos is one of the biggest secrets I've ever learned...
"it isn't the choices we make about other people that makes life enjoyable, it's the choices they make about us"
There will always be the foolish few who actually prefer to go it alone. Their attitude is I don't need other people to make it. And with supreme effort, they still succeed. I'm just not one of those who wants to make any more effort than is necessary to reach my desires. If others want to help me out and make my life easier, I say welcome onboard.
Life is fun, easy and abundant when others want you to succeed because they like you. I've decided that at Eduardo's Happy School, the first subject taught will be....How to be more likeable! I can't think of a more important subject. My graduates will all be taught this vital skill and as a result will be world leaders in likeability.Now that we have established that the most important skill to attain in life, is likeability, the obvious question is how?
I've been researching to provide you some answers. Appreciating my limited brain power you will have give me more time.....so come back tomorrow! I promise you some fresh insights. I might even go into more depth than the ever popular method of...buying the first round.
Smile, I really, really like you!
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
"Relationship building is the new selling"
Today no one wants to sell and no one wants to be sold! So don't do that. We have such a strong resistance to being sold anything that as soon as we feel we are being sold we head for the hills. And yet product and services need to sold, so what is the answer?
First, we need to get past a clients resistance. The quickest and most enjoyable way (for both of us) is to build a good relationship. Because....
"All things being equal we chose to do business with those we like and all things being unequal we still chose to do business with those we like"
I am not advocating that you do more schmoozing. I am advising that you build a mutually beneficial relationship with your clients. The relationship has to be seen by both parties as a win/win.
Of course an inferior product or service will not get you any lasting business. However, assuming your product or service is competitive with the others on the market then the difference is the level of trust you have built up and that takes relationship building.
The purpose of relationship building is to remove any resistance your client has to you so that you can tell your story and show how you can solve their problems or create an opportunity.
"Closing the sale tactics become a thing of the past but rather a natural outcome of a mutually beneficial relationship"
Assuming you've commenced doing business with a client and you've delivered on your promises, then remember this and please read it over very carefully....
Monday, October 21, 2013
And the answer is neither. At least not all of the time. Research has shown that their are times when it is best to trust your gut (intuition) and times when you would be better off trusting your head (logical).
Trust your gut (intuition) or some might also say your heart, when you are upbeat, happy or feeling positive. Your gut feeling is really the answer that comes to you from the collective wisdom of your subconscious. However be forewarned their are times when your intuition will lead you astray and may cause you to make a bad decision?
"Just because something feels right doesn't mean it is"
Trust you head (logical thinking) when you are experiencing a negative emotion. When you are sad, mad, depressed and upset, trusting your heart or gut can cause you to make a very bad decision. When in these negative states is the time to think logically. We've probably all made bad decisions at times when we are upset that we later regretted?
"and just because it seems logical doesn't mean it is either"
So make a decision but remember this....if it isn't followed by some action then you haven't really made a decision. It's just a consideration not a decision.
Pssst....if you know someone going through tough times it just might a good idea to pass this article on to them. That would be a logical decision that also would feel right?
"In my house I'm the boss! My wife is just the decision maker" (Woody Allan)
Sunday, October 20, 2013
"When you touch an item you are more likely to buy it and pay more for it"
Every successful marketer and beach vendor in Mexico know that if they can put something in your hands the odds of a sale happening go up! This is why they say...go ahead try it before you buy or take it for a test drive. Once the item and your brain make a connection they want to bond. The longer you are in possession of something the harder it is to put it back.
Touch plays more roles in decision making. For instance how something feels; soft vs hard, warm vs cold and rough vs soft affects how you perceive others. So if you go to someone's office or business and they put you in a warm, soft and comfy chair and feed you a nice hot coffee....lock up your wallet or purse. Your resistance will begin to melt like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day.
Even weight can influence you. In one study human resources folks rated job applicants as superior to their competitors if they studied the resume on a heavy clipboard. The heavy clipboards made participants rate public isssues such as the environment more deserving of funding. Subconsiously we rate heavy as more serious.
Making your client feel safe, warm, comfortable and secure is what I call 'preparing to persuade. This is similar to an idea I wrote of earlier about selling on sunny days. The objective is make the client feel good or as one brilliant writer said...seduce them. (Ok that was no brilliant writer that was me). Of course if your product or service is crap no amount of priming will help. You can't prime a dry well!
It always amazes me to discover that by being kind, generous and considerate to others leads to more success. I think I should have called this article.....'Priming Profits By Pampering' Now go out and touch someone (ok in a respectable way).
Saturday, October 19, 2013
"The more gatitude you show the more good fortune you recieve"
Some forms of gratitude are more powerful than others. Here is my list from least powerful to most powerful expressions of gratitude:
Silent gratitude is the least powerful of course.
Facebook and twitter
Handwritten letters, thank you cards and notes
These days its hard to ignore the efficiency of some form of an electronic message. It's fast and easy to do. And that's why you shouldn't do it....because its what everyone else is doing and so you won't stand out or be remembered.
It takes your personal time to hand write a message. It is memorable, remarkable and it sustains. Electronic type messages are soon deleted and forgotten in the avalanche of daily communications we receive.
Here is how to make your messages memorable...
Write clearly and neatly.
Awhile back I received a thank you card from a Westjet Vice President thanking me for the ideas I had submitted and that they had employed. That was nice except for one thing.....his writing was so damn sloppy it was nearly impossible to read it. No point in scanning it and using it as a reference or even showing it to my buddies. A total waste!
Make it personal.
"Thanks you did a great job" is not near as powerful as something like this..."Hey Eduardo you did a remarkable job on the Westjet file. Your ideas made a huge difference and I absolutely loved your humor and willingness to share your insights. Thanks a ton" Which note would you like to get?
Flattery is phoney but a sincere compliment is a gift that keeps on giving.
It can be a gift.
Many times I've seen others showing off a note or card they received that was complimentary. So to that person its like a gift.
Don't limit it to thank you's.
Sometimes a handwritten letter or note of encouragement goes a long way to motivate others. I've used handwritten notes to solve differences with others. The real secret of a handwritten note is that it forces the other person to hear you out. In a conversation its our nature to be thinking about what we are going to say while the other person is talking and thus not be fully focused on what they are saying. And the recipient can re-read it later.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
"To find out another persons real opinion ask them what they believe everyone else thinks"
Humans are mostly delusional!
In a research study done in 1997 a thousand people were asked this question...who do you think is most likely to get into heaven? Here are some of the results..
52% said Bill Clinton
79% said Mother Teresa
87% said themselves
In some ways it is an advantage to be a little delusional but the evidence is clear, if you want to know the truth you can't always trust your own judgement. So is asking others the best way to get a true response?
When you ask someone for their personal opinion you many times get a guarded to distorted response. The reasons may vary; they may want to protect your feelings or they may not want you to know their true feelings about something.
For instance imagine that you ask someone what they think about your public speaking abilities? The truth might well be that they think you suck at it and should keep your day job. Instead they may something like....well, you're new at it but I can see some promise if you work on it. Their answer is trying to go easy on you and it doesn't reflect their true belief.
Now imagine asking them.....what do you believe others think about my public speaking? Now, they are free to be more critical because its not what they believe, it is opinion of others. Except it's not! It is actually what they believe.
No matter the question you will get a more honest answer if you ask them what they believe others think?
"There is nothing you can learn from a compliment but much that can be learned from constructive criticism"
What are some benefits of using this technique..
* Understand the true objections to a sale
* Know how you are being perceived
* Find out where you are in the sales process
* Get to the truth quickly and easily
Just remember...don't ask if you don't want to hear the truth!
So what do you believe others will think about this idea?
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Mimic their body language
Research has proven that just adding mimicry made the sales pitch 20 percent more effective. The trick is to delay a few seconds before mimicing another persons body movements. There's plenty of research on mimicry's power:
2) ego drive.
Mimicry is a potent nonverbal form of empathy. It may be the key to sales.
Mimicry makes you a better negotiator. The first words you should say in a negotiation are anything very similar to what the person on the other side of the table just said. A good way to do this is to say....so what you are saying is (and then repeat back what they said)
Mimicing makes people feel that you are like them and given the opportunity we prefer to do business with those we like and feel comfortable with.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
In order become a powerfully persuasive person you need to understand how to get past a persons resistance.
Reistance is our defence mechanism to shield us from being sold on a product, service or a person. No one wants to be sold anything. Oh sure, sometimes we want to buy but we don't like to be sold. Being sold is to feel pressure to buy and our resistance rises as soon as we detect that is happening.
So here's how to slip by the resistance...
Imagine that you are asking someone out on a date. Typically you might say something like....Would you like to go for dinner and a movie on Friday night?
The person being asked has to make a snap decision. The pressure and stress builds as the recipient of the request ponders your question. And if the answer is no, the door has just slammed shut on you and resistance to you is building.
Each no you get builds more resistance. So if I keep asking and keep hearing no, I am getting further away from a sucessful response.
At the time of rejection you will both want to retreat and try forget the experience.
What if, instead I tried this on a lady......What if I were to ask you to go for dinner and a movie on Friday night, how would you feel about that?
Remember, I only asked her what if? I didn't really ask her out. So there is little or no pressure because I was just asking her thoughts on my speculative request. So if her answer is no I don't think that would work Nothing is lost we can carry on as usual.
However, if she says she would like that, then I could take it as a yes and wahoo...we have a date.
Plus, I just might flush out the reason for her objection. Her objection just might be something I can overcome.
Imagine using this in a business transaction?
P.S. you can replace 'what if' with 'imagine' if that works better for you!
Research has proven that when you make a request and follow up with a 'because' it becomes more persuasive. Although the research didn't explain why 'because' works so well, I speculate it is because it is complimentary to the other person. When someone takes the time to explain why they are making a request it causes us to feel appreciated. When someone makes a request without an explanation it's feels like we are not worthy of an explanation.
So in my example I could say something like this....What if I were to ask you out for a dinner and movie on Friday night because I think we would both enjoy seeing that movie and I think you would like the menu at that restaurant?
Imagine trying out this technique the next time you are asking someone to do business with you because it really works!
It is really important to use their name at the front of your request. Using their first name makes it more personal and friendly. It seems simple and it is but it brings results because it lowers their resistance to you.
The real power in persuasion is to string several techniques together as I just did by using....what if, because and their first name. I call this the String theory of Persuasion.
As I write more articles on persuasion I will continue to string together multiple techniques because that's when it is most powerfully persuasive. And because...by being able to say I developed a String Theory makes me sound brighter than I actually am.....haha
Hmm.....what if I knew these techniques when I was a young man?